Friday, December 4, 2009

The Only String We Have to Fear...

Strings, yarn, dangling ties, long fringe -- they're all banned in our house. The reason is simple; they make Max puke. It's not enough just to keep the offending strings out of his face or away from his fingers, either. He gags on sight alone.

Today I wore a new sweater. (You already see where this is going, right?) I put it on after Max left for school this morning, so didn't give much thought to the draw strings dangling so flamboyantly and offensively down the front. The sweater is a basic gray, zip-up, hoodie type --the kind of thing I often wear -- so I promptly proceeded to forget about it, actually. I wore it all day without a second thought....until Max got home.

I was standing in the driveway to greet the bus, like normal. And he started down the stairs, like normal, but then something changed. He gave me a weird look and then he stopped in his tracks, refusing to budge. I didn't catch on to what was happening, so I moved in even closer to grab his hand and coax him on down the stairs, tugging at him while I rolled my eyes and chatted cluelessly with the driver. Then Max stepped down onto the driveway, turned dramatically away from me, leaned over, and puked. Repeatedly.


In that split second, I suddenly realized what the problem was and grabbed my strings, tucked them out of sight, then wrapped my arms around myself to keep everything firmly in place and securely hidden. Max followed me -- warily, at a distance -- into the house while I assured him we were going straight to the scissors to cut those strings off.

Max hovered near the sink (just in case) while witnessing the operation, and then continued to give those strings the ol' stink eye while I quickly photographed them lying on the counter. (What? It only took a second!)

Order has been restored. All is well. Nevertheless, we have officially upgraded our household security alert to Code Orange. We urge you to go about your regular business, but PLEASE, remain on the lookout for any suspicious strings in the area and report them to your nearest authorities! Thank you.

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